I'm OK-You're OK. By. Thomas A. Harris MD Occasionally a PDF file .. understand a word you're saying' is not an uncommonly held attitude towards persons. most of us have made the unconscious decision I'M NOT OK-YOU'RE OK. I'm Ok, You're Not: Assessing Variable Influence on Perceptions I love you and. I'm OK You're OK summary and review. The life changing of Thomas Harris distilled and simplified. Also available in PDF.
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The Classic Bestseller That has Changed the Lives of Millions"Extraordinary. Harris has helped millions find the freedom to change, liberate their adult effe. I'm OK, You're nessmorrrazzcontde.cf - Download as PDF File .pdf), Text File .txt) or view presentation slides online. Editorial Reviews. Review. “It's easy to relate to I'm OK-You're OK. Again and again the reader will find his own predicament staring up at him from the page.
He realizes there is different data from what is taught by the parent and what is felt by the child. The parent taught and demonstrated life. The child felt, wished or fantasized. The adult finds out. Thomas Harry says that a secure youngster is one who finds that most Parent data is reliable: They told me the truth.
And the default position of every child. The author says that one of the reasons why parent and child play games is because the outcome is predictable. There is a certain security in games, even the ones that harm us and our relationship. When the adult is in charge, the outcome is not always predictable. There is the possibility of failure. Or of success. Back in our childhood years as it is the same in our grown up years, it brings a momentary relief from the Not OK position.
Thomas Harris goes on to explain what are the cues of parents and children. When we blame and find fault, we replay the early blaming and fault-finding which is recorded in the Parent, and this makes us feel ok, because the Parent is ok, and we are coming on Parent.
Finding someone to agree with you, and play the game, produces a feeling well-nigh omnipotent. Thomas Harris explains that when transactions happen between the same modality -ie. Uncomplimentary or crossed transactions can cause troubles and communication stops. Here is a classical example from Eric Berne:. This is an adult stimulus as he seeks information.
If the wife answered as an adult, she would reply:. Why do you always have to yell at me?
It can also hide in the opening message. The overall communication sounds adult, but secondary communication here is in the word hide, which comes from the parent. At this point, the wife can decide how to reply. The more we get to know the content of our Parent and Child, the more we can separate them from our Adult.
Games are a particular type of transaction that has two different characteristics: The famous book Games People Play by Eric Berne is actually only focused on Games, a very specific part of transaction analysis. My Note: And I will eventually read it again now that I have a broader understanding.
Games make the relationship combative. The author also discusses relationships and how we can improve our intimate relationships. And when:. A clear social example of this phenomenon is the hippie movement. The flower children extolled a life of Child-Child transactions. Yet the dreadful truth began to become apparent: When parents are dominated by their children, they can end up into struggles with their own children. Summarily, we may say that the solution to the problems of all children, regardless of their situation, is the same solution that applies to the problems of grownups.
Harris provides practical suggestions regarding how to stay in the Adult ego state, despite the provocation. Having described a generalized model of the ego states inside human beings, and the transactions between them, Harris then describes how individuals differ. He argues that insights can be gained by examining the degree to which an individual's Adult ego state is contaminated by the other ego states.
He summarizes contamination of the Adult by the Parent as "prejudice" and contamination of the Adult by the Child as "delusion". A healthy individual is able to separate these states. Yet, Harris argues, a functioning person does need all three ego states to be present in their psyche in order for them to be complete.
Someone who excludes i.
Harris also identifies from his medical practice examples of individuals with blocked out Adult ego states, who were psychotic, terrified and varied between the Parent ego state's archaic admonitions about the world and the raw emotional state of the Child, making them non-treatable by therapy.
For such cases, Harris endorses drug treatments, or electro-convulsive therapy , as a way to temporarily disrupt the disturbing ego states, allowing the "recommissioning" of the Adult ego state by therapy.
Harris reports a similar approach to treating Manic Depression. The second half of the book begins by briefly describing the six ways that TA practitioners recognize individuals use to structure time , to make life seem meaningful.
Harris continues by offering practical case studies showing applications of TA to Marriage and the raising of both Children and Adolescents.
He promotes the idea that TA is not just a method for specialists, but can be shared and used by many people. Having described such a structured method of dealing with the challenges of human psychology, the final two chapters of the book discuss the question of improving morality and society.
In particular, he asks, if we are not to succumb to domination by the Parent ego state, how can individuals enlightened through TA know how they should live their lives? Starting from his axiomatic statement I'm OK, You're OK, he acknowledges that accepting it at face value raises the same philosophical dilemmas as the problem of evil does for believers in a just, omnipotent God.
Harris continues to explore aspects of Christianity with reference to TA, together with more generalized questions about the nature of religion. The final chapter of I'm OK, You're OK refers to social issues contemporary at the time of writing, including the Cold War , Vietnam war and the contemporary controversial research of individuals' response to authority conducted by psychologist Stanley Milgram.
Harris applies TA to these issues and concludes his book with the hope that nations will soon gain the maturity to engage in Adult to Adult dialogue, rather than conducting diplomacy in the collective archaic ego states of Parent or Child, which he sees as causing war and disharmony. It is still in print, published by Harpercollins. Criticism[ edit ] Several decades have now elapsed since Harris published I'm OK, You're OK, so inevitably some of the cultural references which might have seemed new and relevant when the book was first published may now seem dated and less accessible to contemporary readers who do not remember the s.
The work of Wilder Penfield concerning human memory, which appeared to Harris to give TA special credibility because it inferred a direct association with neuroscience, has not proved readily repeatable. According to Dr. But with an analysis of our personalities, Dr.
Harris provides a framework with which to change our lives. Demand for the book was tremendous, and today it sits comfortably in the pantheon of self-help titles that have sold over ten million copies.
But a lot of tacky things sold by the truckload in that era, like patchwork bell-bottoms, Bay City Rollers records and tickets to Evel Knievel events — what is different about this product is that it is still selling well. Berne reacted against this, elevating relationships to the high table of study.
Instead of asking a subject about themselves as in psychoanalysis , one could determine the problem simply by being a witness to what is actually said or done in the course of a transaction. Berne as well as Harris would perform psychotherapy sessions based almost entirely on observations of what his subjects were doing, saying, and engaging in.
Though limiting and destructive, they were also a sort of comfort, absolving us of the need to really confront unresolved psychological issues. There was no assumption of underlying malaise. This new approach was of course the essence of self-help. The Adult in us prevents a hijack by unthinking obedience Child , or ingrained habit or prejudice Parent , leaving us a vestige of free will.